there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
