i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
