Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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