there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
