Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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