An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
