i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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