we're chasing vodka with high fives
we made out on top of his cat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
