why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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