IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
