He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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