Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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