he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
