seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
