Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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