I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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