Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
