Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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