i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How does it feel to date your dad?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
