my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
