He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
