i think i have two assholes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
