Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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