So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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