She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize