I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize