I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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