I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
