You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
