i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize