i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
