yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
