Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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