were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
