Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
