Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
