Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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