Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
