ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
