Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
