i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
