so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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