If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont even know how to be here
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
