She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
