btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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