How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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