I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
