so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm getting married
To pizza
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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