It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
