I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
