Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
