he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
True strength comes from lack of pants
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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