we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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