During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
