She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
