mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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