1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
