I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
