Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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