Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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