I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
