she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize