i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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