i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
