i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
