he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
