I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize