fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I see more hoeing in ur future
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
