You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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