Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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