Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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