It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
