a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
