she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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