but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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