My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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