i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
