We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
