If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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