I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
