i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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