I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Panties = found
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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