He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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