im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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