Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
