he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
