Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
