For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
