well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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