Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
