That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
