got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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