His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
