At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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