i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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