New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
