apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
