We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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