If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
