You just made me feel so damn special
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
